Although it all seemed so easy when Salt-N-Pepa sang “Let’s Talk About Sex”, in reality, many of us aren’t discussing blow jobs over lunch.
While talking about sex comes really naturally to some of us, for others, sexuality is something that exists in a separate universe. We may be open about our relationship stress, our job problems, even money issues — but sex, that stays somewhere else.
It’s time to break through that wall — talking about sex with your friends is not just important — it can be an effing blast. And if there’s one area of your sex life that you should start talking about with your friends, it’s masturbation. While male masturbation is something of a cultural obsession, women are taught so little about our sexual instincts — and usually nothing at all about our pleasure. Society too often treats the female orgasm as “elusive” or downright unimportant — and female pleasure is treated as secondary. That’s why talking about masturbation, talking about your personal pursuit of pleasure, is so crucial.
So if you’re in doubt about bringing up your favourite rampant rabbit during brunch, here’s why you should start talking about masturbation.
Because They’re Doing It, Too
If you’re a very sexual woman, it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one out there — in fact, it’s easy to feel like a little bit of a freak. Women are usually portrayed with low sex drives, as people who have sex begrudgingly, when that couldn’t be further from the truth. Women masturbate. Not only that, women masturbate with porn, sex, toys, and everything you can think of. A Marie Claire survey of 3,000 readers found that nearly a third of women watch porn every week — and around 10 percent of women do it every day. Your friends are getting down just as much as you are.
Because You’re Friends Are Kinky AF
You think that you have some interesting tastes? Wait until you hear what your friends are up to. Study after study has found that women are more likely to watch rough porn than men — and even straight women love a bit of lesbian and gay male porn. Whether you know it or not, some of your friends are probably straight up freaks — in the best way possible. It may even be one of the quiet ones.
All of this is to say that whatever your masturbation habits are, whatever your kink is — you are definitely not alone. Rather than feeling weird about your habits, talking to your friend can not only help reassure you, but also help you celebrate your sexuality. It’s time to embrace it. Share your fantasies, realise that everybody’s got something freaky that they like — and relish those details. You can even do it over cocktails if you want to go full Sex and the City.
Because You Can Get Some New Ideas
One of the best things about talking to your friends about masturbation is you can open each other up to totally different worlds. I have given many friends their first vibrator after they revealed that they wanted to try one but were too shy to actually go out and get one for themselves and I’ve even swapped Tumblr erotica resources with good friends. Ever heard of the clit clock? I learned about it through a friend. Through talking to friends you can learn more about the health benefits of masturbation, find out about crazy new toys (hello, clit vacuums), or just swap some fun masturbation stories.
Because It’s Great For You Confidence
Getting things out in the air is so rewarding. You might have one friend who you didn’t even realise was feeling weird about the fact that she can’t seem to orgasm and it feels like it’s easy for the rest of us. Maybe one of them is embarrassed about her vulva — and you can tell her that there are so many different kinds of labia, all amazing and sexy in their own damn way. Once you get used to talking about masturbation, you’ll not only have so much fun with all the dirty deeds, but you’ll leave feeling like Wonder Woman — ready to take on anything.
There’s so much good that can come from opening up about masturbation — from feeling more confident to erasing shame, and even just getting a few new ideas. Our sexuality is such a huge part of our lives — if you talk about everything else, why wouldn’t you be talking about this? Start the ball rolling and you’d be amazed at how many friends are willing to open up. It’s time to start spilling.
Written by #LeaRoseEmery