Butts are yet another aspect of female anatomy that are discussed almost exclusively from the perspective of how they benefit men. And I say NO MORE!
For too long, anal sex has been seen as something we submit to, that only feels good for men or is seen as an achievement in one’s sexual exploits. Those of us who have avoided anal exploration altogether may think that there’s no way it feels good for a woman. But what if I were to tell you that anal play can provide some of the deepest and most reliable orgasms for us? Would you shake images of poopy mess and painful thrusting out of your head for a moment and give me a chance?
Yes, our rectum and anus are part of the digestive tract, and not the reproductive system. However, they are also part of our sexual anatomy. This means that those lovely legs sticking out the back of our clitoris can be reached through anal stimulation. And also that our anuses themselves are packed with nerve endings. In short – we do ourselves a disservice by dismissing anal sex as an only-fun-for-the-guy activity.
So from this point forward, this is a No Boys Allowed article.
We are talking anal pleasure for women (in all our forms), at our pace and with our own techniques.
Anal orgasms feel different from the wide variety of vaginal orgasms we experience. There is a throbbing, full sensation that feels less like a crest and breaking wave and more like a pulse emanating from somewhere deep inside. Familiar, yet other.
Similar to g-spot orgasms, anal o’s require a little time and patience, and lots lots LOTS of lube. The anus and rectum are not self-lubricating organs so “wet enough” simply doesn’t exist. Most discomfort and pain associated with anal play can be chalked up to insufficient lubrication and moving too quickly. I suggest a thick, gel-like lube for anal play because they last longer, create a nice cushion, and won’t drip all over the place.
My best experiences with anal play and orgasm have been with solo play.
And why wouldn’t that be the case, considering most women can reliably come during self-pleasure but may not always get there during partnered sex? Why would butt stuff be any different?
One tip I’m bringing to the table is a definite act of vulnerability: have you ever take a good look at your butthole? I mean really shone a light, propped up a hand mirror and looked your browneye in the eye? This is the best place to start your journey to becoming anally orgasmic. Give yourself time and try to banish those self-critical thoughts from creeping in. Love yourself, and know yourself entirely.
When you’re ready to start getting those good feelings going, lube up a finger and slowly, gently start touching your anus. Go softly, and eventually those nerve endings will wake up and you will relax. Remember to breath, and let your mind wander. This is self-care that you can take at your own pace. Don’t make this a goal-oriented activity. If you focus on having an orgasm, you could get distracted and disappointed and frankly our world is full of enough distraction and disappointment, right?
Eventually, your anus will relax enough that you can begin inserting a finger or a small toy. Your butt will almost try to swallow what you’re inserting. Now, give yourself the time to get comfortable with this sensation. Then, start experimenting with pressure. The membranes dividing our vaginal canals from our rectum are sturdy yet sensitive. Firm and consistent pressure on the front of our anal passage can stimulate the area we picture as the back of our vaginal canal. Stroking, pressing, and gently rubbing the inner walls of your bum stimulates erogenous zones in your anal cavity, your vagina (inadvertently), and the interior structure of your clitoris.
And since you’re masturbating, have a little g-spot or clit fun while you’re at it. Treat yo-self.
Which leads me to my next suggestion. If and when you discover that there is pleasure in anal stimulation, I highly recommend introducing a toy into your routine. I personally love butt plugs, but anal beads are also delightful little accessories. The main reason I use butt plugs is basically that butts aren’t easy to reach. So popping in a plug can provide the filling feeling I’m after while freeing my fingers to explore elsewhere. And yes, this is one route to blended orgasms when adequate pressure and rhythm is applied to both areas. Slim, flexible toys are easiest to accommodate and most likely to reach all those good spots.
DISCLAIMER TIME: Any toy that goes into your bum has to have a flared base. While our cervix effectively blocks any toys from getting lost inside of us from the front side, our rectum has no such safety and using toys not intended for anal play will land you in A&E and possibly more embarrassed about your butt than you thought possible.
I’m fully aware that we carry anxieties and shame about our bodies and especially our butts – so these tips are by no means requirements for self-pleasure. I simply want to be a voice of encouragement cutting through all the noise telling you that anal sex isn’t fun for us. As always, what feels great for me may not feel great for everybody – so don’t feel like you’ve failed or missed out if you tried it and didn’t like it.
Anal orgasms can be wonderful, fulfilling, empowering experiences. Furthering our relationships with pleasure is a fast-track to body confidence in so many other aspects of our lives. Our bodies, our choices, our pleasure.
QUICK FACTS ABOUT ANAL PLAY
Always use lots of lube – reach for the thick stuff
Toys MUST have a flared base – you could lose them up there
If just starting out, look for a toy that’s slim and flexible – our insides are very curvy
Worried about making a mess? Usually you won’t have a problem, and poop fears are mostly in our heads
Still worried? Get an enema bulb and give yourself a clean before getting started
Keep a towel handy
Condoms! Even if you’re masturbating, putting a condom on a toy makes cleanup a breeze. And finger-condoms can also help relieve any mess-stress
Something hurts? Take a step back and reevaluate. When done properly, anal sex doesn’t come with pain or discomfort
Be kind to yourself
Take your time