Sex toys are a divisive issue
Some people are totally intimidated by the idea of trying one for the first time, while other people couldn’t imagine life without them (hell, without lots of them). And though I’m a total proponent of sex toys — and of trying anything once — that’s not to say that they’re the right choice for everyone, at least not all the time. Personally, when a couple of friends took me shopping for my first sex toy when I was at uni, I never looked back, but I also have friends who have one, but treat it with a take-it-or-leave-it-attitude.
If you’re interested in trying out a sex toy for the first time, you should definitely do some exploring — online and in person. Shopping for sex toys online is great because not only is there a wealth of information, it’s all anonymous. Normally, even if you buy one, they come in totally discreet packaging. But if you go in person you’ll find the sex toy shop workers are some of the friendliest — and most knowledgeable — people out there. You can talk through your want, needs, and concerns with absolutely no shame. They’ve seen it all before — they really, really have.
But if you’re not sure if trying a sex toy is for you, here’s are the pros and cons you can keep in mind.
Pro: They’re A Great Way To Open Up A Conversation About Your Needs
If you’re not getting what you want out of your sex life, but you’re worried about hurting your partner’s feeling, then bringing up sex toys is a great transition. You can say that you’re interested in trying something new and fun for both of you, like a vibrating cock ring or a double-ended dildo. Through that conversation you can gently bring up what you need more of. Don’t get me wrong, you should never feel embarrassed or hesitant to ask for you what you need, but some people like the help of a conversation starter.
Con: Some Of Them Are Too Cumbersome To Be Effective
Sometimes, simple is best. There are a lot of amazing sex toys out there that are meant to be worn during sex or are designed for couples. But some of these, and even some meant to be used solo, are a little more trouble than they’re worth. While there are plenty of simple, straightforward sex toys and vibes out there, some of them can get in the way of sex or are too sensitive and constantly change vibrations when your hand accidentally bumps them during masturbation sessions. When in doubt, go with something simple — at least to start off with.
Pro: More Power Than You Can Handle
Fun fact: The first time I tried a vibrator I came in less than a minute. As in, I came so quickly I wasn’t even sure if it had even happened. Anything with a battery or a motor is just going to be a lot stronger than what your hand has to offer. For curiosity alone, it’s worth a try. That being said, if you’re looking to get to know your body, manual masturbation is a better form of exploration — but you’re just not going to be able to create the same power.
Con: You Can Get Too Used To Them
Some people, women in particular, are worried that they can get too dependent on their sex toy — usually a vibrator. This is a complicated issue, because you can get so used to masturbating in a certain way that you start to rely on that method to come — and this can definitely include using a vibrator. But here’s the thing: that’s true of any masturbation technique. A guy can get too used to a certain technique he uses when he masturbates and then take ages to finish any other way (and many of us have had the lock-jaw to prove it).
So when in doubt, you may want to mix things up occasionally, rather than having the exact same masturbation technique every time. But that’s true of every masturbation technique, not just using a sex toy. Manual masturbation is just as fun and more of a gentle, luxurious experience — you don’t need to let that go just because you get a sex toy and incorporating it from time-to-time will keep you from becoming dependent.
Pro: They’re An Amazing Form Of Self-Care
Some people do yoga, some people masturbate like hell —and some people do both! The point is, there are a lot of different ways to take care of yourself. A lot of us, especially women, don’t make enough time for self-care, enough time to reset and pay attention to our own needs. Experimenting with sex toys is a great way to do that. Between browsing, shopping, and, of course, using them, it’s an important reminder that your needs are important and that you’re taking the time to address them. You do you.
When it comes to using sex toys, there are a lot of pros —and a couple of tricky issues to be aware of. But, even more than that, it’s crucial to remember that some women need that intensity of a sex toy to come, whether alone or with a partner. While pretty much every woman needs clitoral stimulation to orgasm, for some it has to be more than you would get manually. If you’ve had trouble orgasming before, they’re definitely worth a try. And if you know you need one to orgasm, don’t apologise — you know what works for you and there’s nothing wrong with that.