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  • Writer's picturePhoenix Tarampi

Hands-up: Who always has a sex toy with them?

That’s what I thought.

While we love to explore the curves, textures and speeds sex toys can offer, nothing quite compares to old reliable manual stimulation. Rubbing one out, double-clicking the mouse, scratchin’ the record, whatever you want to call it!

Getting to know what tickles our fancy by tickling our fancy is a great way to really fine-tune technique.

Yes, our vulvae have a very high concentration of nerve endings, but so do our hands! They’re magical tools that we’ve spent millenia evolving, so let’s put them to good use.

Some obvious pros are that it’s free, quiet, non intrusive, and your vagina doesn’t care about how your manicure looks, as long as your hands are clean. There are no batteries required, either.  

We do highly recommend finding a lube you like. Some women claim they get “wet enough.” I would argue that wetness doesn’t get onto your fingers unless you touch yourself first, whereas a lubed up finger arrives to the party already dressed for the occasion. That instantly slick and smooth sensation really helps with finger-feedback.

What’s this? Another oddly named technique you’ve only just discovered?

Nope! It’s simply a term we use for the minor adjustments we make to what we’re doing based on how it feels to our hands. When we use sex toys, the silicone object doesn’t tell us what it’s feeling. When we  masturbate with our hands, both our genitals and our hands are sending feedback to our brain about what feels nice, what’s too much, what needs more attention, etc. etc.

This is why good old manual masturbation is a great option for women who have experienced some sort of injury or trauma to their genitals, or live with vaginismus and related painful conditions.

Have you noticed I haven’t used the word orgasm yet? This is because they aren’t always the point.

With manual stimulation, there are so many textures and pressures to explore, our minds wander, and we sometimes lose track of what we’re doing. And this is just fine. We could – and do – spend hours idly touching ourselves just to enjoy the various little sensations. And this isn’t exclusive to what’s under our panties, either. If you haven’t yet explored what feels good for your nipples, let a lubed up finger or two figure it out. Trace patterns on your thighs or belly with your fingers, run them through your pubic hair if you have any.

If you feel a little lost, I recommend using a hand mirror to help see what you’re doing.

So many women balk at this idea because they think their vulva is ugly or somehow “wrong.”  Sisters, I promise you, there is nothing wrong* with it. Some inner labia are much longer than the outer lips, some are tucked in. Some are darker or lighter in colour than the rest of the vulva, and most are asymmetrical. They will change shape and colour during puberty, after giving birth, and during menopause. Do not be alarmed, take a deep break, and look it in the face. Your pussy deserves your appreciation for all it is capable of. And the most intimate way to show your appreciation is to see what you’re doing with your hands!

So with that, I bid you go!

Close the shopping cart full of suction toys and rabbits and pour yourself a glass of wine. Sip it regally with one hand while giving your other – the most high-tech sex toy – a spin. And give yourself a high-five while you’re at it.

*unless you have a diagnosed medical condition or injury, in which case please consult your doctor or therapist before engaging in any masturbation techniques that may cause setbacks.

Written by #phoenixtarampi


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